Changing Seasons

Have you ever sat outside on a quiet fall evening and listened to the leaves fall?

They sound like popcorn popping on mute. You can actually hear them pop and leave their branch of security. Then they slowly float to the ground sounding as if you have just dropped a piece of paper. The sounds of Autumn are so fulfilling and relaxing, but it also means that the seasons are changing. Our surroundings are quickly becoming different, transforming, and creating a new view, perspective, and adjusting or demanding us to prepare for the upcoming varied weather.

Changing seasons brings my thoughts to children. Children, teens, and young adults are so much like the falling leaves. They are changing and growing while preparing themselves to leave their branch of security.

As parents, we should make sure they have a safe landing, like paper or leaves floating to the ground.

My heart is saddened today, and I can't help but think about teenage suicide. It is weighing heavy on my heart, because just in the last couple weeks there have been three teenage deaths in my area. Why?

I read an article about teenage suicide this morning that ended with, "It's the economy, STUPID!!" But you know what? I disagree.

The hardest job in the world is being a parent, and I'm sure most of you will agree. Children need stability. They need to know that their parents are going to be there every day, protect them, encourage them, and listen to them. Teenagers may speak a different language than their parents, but is it really that hard to take the time to listen to what they have to say? To let them know that their voice, ideas, and insight are important? How is a child suppose to successfully change seasons if they are being ignored, pushed aside, or replaced with a parents own selfishness (there are things I want to do that are more important than dealing with a child)? Do you ignore the rain if your car window is down? Do you ignore the snow when it's ten feet deep? Do you ignore the leaves when they are drug through your front door? Of course not! So why do some parents chose to ignore their children? They are constantly changing.....

According to the Centers for Disease Control, teenage suicide is the third leading cause of death, behind accidents and homicide, of people aged 15 to 24. But even more disturbing is the fact that suicide is the fourth leading cause of death in children between the ages of 10 and 14. What a sad, sad statistic.

There are many factors that may lead a teenager to take his/her own life, but the most common is depression. When a teenager feels that they are trapped in a life that they can't handle, that is when the parents need to step in. We need to ease that pressure and help them deal with what they are feeling. Some teenagers strongly believe that suicide is the only way to solve their problems. The pressures of life seem to be too much for them to deal with. Instead of letting our teenagers welcome suicide, we as parents need to create a distraction.

A list of factors for suicide thoughts are (and I'm going to tell you how I distracted these factors in my own children). I'm not saying that I am the best parent in the world, because there is no such thing, and I know that. But these are my creations and what worked with my children:

Divorce of parents - My children went through this twice. Children notice change, but I remained focused on keeping my daily routine unchanged. I focused on my children's feelings and comforted them the best I knew how. When I divorced, the last thing I wanted for my kids was for them to be suitcase children. I never talked bad about their father in front of them, and I encouraged the same amount of love from both of us. I never showed feelings of insecurity to them. If I crumble, they will crumble....If I'm unhappy, they will be unhappy....etc....

Violence in the home - My children witnessed physical, mental, and verbal violence in the home. Children learn by example. Did I really want my children growing up thinking that violence is allowed in the home, or violence is the correct way to live? Of course not. That is why divorce was decided.

Inability to find success at school - Homework has always been top priority in the house. That provides and strengthens work ethics and time management ethics.

There is also the fear of bullying, not only by classmates, but also by peers (teachers, principles, etc...). I have made many, many trips into the school to show my children that they are protected by me. I never made a big scene, I kept things confidential, and I was very careful about classmates assuming, "Mommy always comes to the rescue." I didn't want to create more problems for my teens to deal with. But my teens always knew I was there for them. Did I ever let my kids fall on their own? Of course I did. How else will they learn responsibility? I always enforced, "If you get in trouble with the law, you are on your own." They knew that they would have to face the punishment they created. Mommy was not going to bail them out. My son learned that when he was a teenager, and it straightened him right up. There is just something about coming face-to-face with a sheriff.....

Feelings of worthlessness - This falls in with children feeling ignored. One thing I did while my children were growing up, and I was working 40 - 60 hours a week was, I provided stability in the home. I chose to work the night shift (for 17 years), and my thought process on that was, if they are sleeping they won't miss me. Did I create a hard life for myself? Sure I did.... My sleeping pattern consisted of sleeping while they were in school. I got up every day early enough to shower and start dinner before they walked in the door. We ate together at the dinner table every evening spending at least two hours together talking. And when I say talking, I don't mean me talking, I mean my children talking. They spent that time talking about what happened in school, how they have been feeling, and about what was going on in the world. I also encouraged open discussion. I left my children know that they could talk to me about anything they wanted to, and I would not judge, discourage, or interfere. There may have been some conversations that I didn't like, but as children change their thought process changes also. Thank God the baggy jeans and long T-shirts was just a phase..... I never forced my children to do things I wanted them to do, because that's the way I wanted them to be. I left my children's personalities develop on their own.

Some more factors that are listed are:

Substance abuse

Death of someone close to them

The suicide of a friend or someone he or she "knows" in person or online

I never faced the problem of my children experimenting with drugs or alcohol because that was always an open topic in my home. The outcomes, present visuals (being surrounded by drug users), and affects were clear for my children to see. Being dependent on a stimulant is not something they wanted to do or deal with.

With suicide being a recent topic (three deaths within the last couple weeks) it has been an open discussion with my 17 year old (the one child I have left at home). I have always told my children that they can be anything they want to be, do anything they want to do, but THEY have to make it happen. No one said that life is easy.

"These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

Teenagers need their strength built up just as Jesus built up his disciples. He tied together words from John 14:27-29; 16:1-4; and 16:9-11. With these words He told His disciples to take courage. In spite of the inevitable struggles they would face, they would not be alone. Jesus does not abandon us to our struggles either. If we remember that the ultimate victory has already been won, we can claim the peace of Christ in the most troublesome times.

We should stand beside our teens and let them know that they are not alone in this world that has become such a struggle. And the "bad economy, stupid" should not get in the way. We should let them know that Christ (or any spiritual healing) is their strength along with their parents. I think we need to work a little harder at finding a solution to teenage suicides.

Children change like the seasons. Let's try and comfort their changes, secure a soft landing, and build encouragement in them. For Heaven's sake, they are our future......

Hugs for Always,

Angie