Just 20 Minutes

A couple weeks ago I wrote about how (a so called) step-parent has been intruding into my territory. I wrote about my feelings and facts, posted my penning, and went about life in my usual manor (happy). When I feel intruded on, lashed at, or threatened, I consider the sources, consider my own feelings, and consider how it is affecting the ones around me. I can usually talk myself into reasoning. I'm a "bounce backer" (usually) no matter what the situation. But a few days ago I ran into a problem where I didn't have time to think. I just simply reacted. I was setting a punishment for my 17 year old daughter, and the intruder stepped into my territory once again. And all it took was hearing her voice on the other end of the phone that was at my daughter's ear. Right at that moment I grew horns, a tail, holding a pitchfork, and my voice even changed. Yes, I sounded like the voice of whatever it was that possessed Emily Rose. This transformation shocked me, I was a stranger to myself, and it only took a matter of 20 minutes for my daughter to pack and leave with the intruder (the possessed voice that I had no control over told her to leave and I didn't want her here). I said that to my own daughter! The possession that took over me and my body made me say it. I usually don't point blame, but this is my story and I'm sticking to it.

Over the last year, and a new year will soon be beginning, I have made a lot of changes in my life. Some may say I have made some major transformations as far as my Path of life. And you know what? When we go through a transformation, it can seem like we are going crazy to outsiders, family, and friends. Because the people that are closest to us aren't on the same Path as we are. I am probably being seen as crazy or labeled as "insane". I have been happy in my life for no reason for almost a year. I have created a comfort that I thought was affecting everyone around me the same (positively). While I was leaving the Phoenix airport last week I stopped into a Starbucks nook to juice up on caffeine for the flight home. The man working behind the counter said, "You look happy." I simply informed him that I was on my way home to Ohio. Before I left the Starbucks nook the man shouted, "Keep on being happy!" Have you ever noticed that when a person is sad and depressed they are comforted by many people who can relate, but when a person is happy for no apparent reason - those same people want to label that person as crazy. You absolutely cannot be happy for no apparent reason. You have definitely got to be loony.

It's not crazy to be happy, and one person noticed my happiness. I have finally gotten to a state of gratitude in my life, I am expressing my gifts, I am in the flow, and I'm happy for no reason. And I am not crazy! What's crazy is what is flashed before our eyes every single day on that box we call a TV. Death, destruction, fear, lack, arguing, blaming, etc.... and no my friends, that's not just crazy, that's insane. Therefore, it may just explain why I am a happy person. I don't watch that box we call a TV. I am more of an internet surfer, searcher, rebel. I look for things to inspire me, lift me up, and things that make me realize that I am truly living my life. So I am kind of co-creating my life even though the world around me is falling apart.

With co-creating my life I know how I want it to go, what to expect, and how to deal with the unexpected. But I have found out that I haven't grown enough within myself to fully battle the unexpected yet. I played through my mind how the situation with my daughter would go. I had everything planned out. I would set her punishment, she would accept it and serve it. But when that intruder stepped in on the other end of the phone, everything went to hell. I need to coach myself, wake up each day to see the world with new eyes, and reset my limits. I never want to lose control of myself like that again. I don't want to feel like a possessed person that has no control of their thoughts, mind, and body. Especially when it affects the ones I love. Twenty minutes and my daughter was gone.

Hugs for Always,

Angie

Fake Love

There are some things that I let piss me off bother me that I really shouldn’t pay any attention to, but sometimes those things cannot be avoided. And feelings and emotions are some of the hardest things to control.

I don’t know if any of you have to deal with step-parents (and in my case, she is not really a step parent, she is a live-in acquaintance to my ex husband). But for some reason she wants to claim my children as her own. Calling my daughters HER daughters, and calling my son HER son. She is even going as far as calling my grand kids HER grandkids. This should not bother me because I have raised my children with a tremendous amount of love. They know the difference between true love and fake love.

And the funny thing about this situation, I have never spoken ill of this person, my children do…..

I am on vacation this week in Arizona, but I still remain active with my cyber communications with my children. Yesterday I opened my Facebook page to see this:

Lisa Yackee

Had a great night last night with my 2 beautiful daughters and my precious granddaughter on our girls night out. Hope we can do that more often. I hope my girls know that I love them so much and I am so blessed with them, I could not have had any better girls than what I do. I love you Cassandra Lynne Beck, Randi Marie Hatcher and Miss Lydia Ann!!!!

Does she realize that those blessed and precious girls have been raised by me? This is what I call pure ignorance, but hey, if it makes her feel better.....I can deal with it.

She is my ex husband’s live-in acquaintance, and the names she has listed are MY daughters and granddaughter….For Real???

And just this morning I opened my email to find this (to make myself feel better);

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."

- Catherine Ponder

I really don’t want to be bound to this person in any way, shape, or form. So I forgive her for her ignorance.

But if you know me, I had to research the topic of fake love. To better get you on base with this person she refused to talk to my daughter for about a month because my daughter missed her birthday. No wishes were sent from a 17 year old girl, teenager, wrapped up with boys, friends, and good times. Does that really require a grudge from an adult? But then she tries to right her wrongs by creating a MOTHER DAUGHTER DAY!! GIRL’S DAY OUT!!

Some people will say that there is no such thing as fake love, but I have to disagree. I see it daily in the emotional roller coaster that this woman has my children on. Do I resent her for that? Of course I do. Emotions are not something to play with, especially when it comes to young people. False love is more evil than open hatred. If families can’t stick together, whether step, acquaintance, etc… they end up not with a family, but with a melting mess. Yes, there are families that show outright contempt for each other, but what about the stable ones (my home)? Stability is dependent on a number of things like money, love, time, and health. Which money has always been a major issue when it comes to my children and their dad’s way of thinking (“That is what child support is for”). So, over the years my children have found that their father’s home is not dependable. My fault? No!

In a home where there is love for all, but one of the gears are not truthfully reciprocating the love received, then all the gears are being robbed. A lot of time this goes unnoticed, and the other family members will try and fill the gaps (which I have done when it comes divorce). I have spent years working extra hard to fill in the gap (unstable father). But ya know, my children are old enough to tell the difference between fake and what is true.

I ran across a list of 5 things a step-parent should never do. It’s amazing how this list of 5 things have been broken tremendously by her (so-called step-parent).

Don’t Bad-Mouth the Biological Parents (broken)

A step-parent will have their own opinions about the biological parent, but whatever the feelings or opinions are they should not be discussed with the child. Voicing disdain will make the child feel as though they have to choose between the step-parent and the biological parent. She talks bad about me all the time to my children. How do I know? They tell me.

Don’t Be a Disciplinarian (broken)

It is the biological parent’s job to be the parents, not the step-parents job. This has been broken by being demanding on who my daughter can be friends with, and my son’s choice on who he wants to be engaged to. This woman doesn’t like my son’s fiancée (Sydney), so the MOTHER DAUGHTER DAY was created by purposefully leaving out Sydney. Very good parenting skills there…..

Don’t Be a Replacement Parent (broken)

A step-parent should never try and take the place of the biological parent, which she is trying to do (MOTHER DAUGHTER DAY? FOR REAL?). This could lead to big time resentment from the children (which she has created herself). She should be focusing more on being a mentor or caring ear instead of demanding to be the mother of my children.

Don’t Expect Things to be Perfect (broken)

The so called love that she was expecting when she started a relationship with my children’s father was demanding, insisted, and forced. She did not give the connection of love time to develop between her and my children.

Don’t Play Favorites (broken)

She does not have her own children so she feels she can pick and choose mine. For instance, the dislike of my son’s fiancée, which is played in front of my children every time there is a family get together on their dad’s side. She refuses to speak to Sydney and gives her the cold shoulder.

I really don’t have anything to fear from this so-called step-parent, because I understand my children, I provide for my children, and they know where stability lies. But when I see public posts on Facebook from her to my children I can’t help but puke inside my mouth a little feel a ping of resentment toward this woman. She does not have the right to create fake love when it comes to my kids, their emotions, their hearts, and stability. And she seems to put the “attack” into play when I’m nowhere near my children (thousands of miles away in Arizona). I am not going to let her intimidation affect me because I know the true feelings of my children and myself.

Fear

I am so glad that I created this blog spot. I come here to vent, pen what's on my mind, and hopefully give you some encouragement, up-lift, and light in your life.
Here lately I have had a heavy mind. As I was reading my email messages this morning I happened to stumble upon this:

"Our fears are simply undiscovered parts of ourselves. The two emotions, Love & Fear are the opposites of each other. Love is the absence of Fear, and Fear is the non-recognition of Love. When we embrace what we are afraid of, shine light on the darkness of our Fear, we will see that only Love was there the whole time, but was unrecognized. This is the gift our Fears can give us if we know how to see them for what they truly are, a call to bring Love to the unknown."

- Jackson Kiddard

In school a couple semesters ago, I did some research on stress. Did you know that there is no such thing as stress? It's true! Stress comes from what our minds create for us. We upset ourselves with our own pattern of thinking. And my pattern of thinking has not been good. But I refuse to let myself talk myself into being upset (say that 5 times fast...).

Fear - A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc..., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Did you pick out the key words in that definition? EMOTION, AROUSED, IMAGINED, CONDITION

But before I continue, let me tell you what my recent fear is. I have been attending school since January of 2009. Some of that time has been spent attending school while working, and some attending school while not working. My job was shipped overseas in November of 2009. My job ending date was October 29, 2009. Yes, I remember that day like it was yesterday. After spending 22 years with the same company, I felt like I was losing a limb. Since my job was sent overseas I was awarded by the Trade Adjustment Act. A program that the government provides to employees that are basically left with nothing, and had no choice in the matter. So I have received two years of schooling and benefits at the cost of our wonderful government. I have one more semester left and I will be graduating with my bachelor degree in supervision and leadership. Am I ready? NO I'M NOT! I say those words lightly (one more semester).....that is my present fear.

Therefore, I need to keep in mind that there is healthy fear and unhealthy fear. Unhealthy fear is being afraid of something that cannot actually harm you - spiders, or something that we cannot avoid like, the most common, getting old. Those fears serve only to make us unhappy and paralyze our will to keep moving forward.
Healthy fear is more in the medical aspect of things, like when a doctor tells you if you don't change your diet you will have a heart attack. You change your diet out of fear of that heart attack happening. That danger is real and there are constructive steps that can be taken to avoid it.

Hence, it's good to know that my fear is healthy. All I have to do is change my (diet) routine. I will graduate (May 2012), step outside of my safety (home), and enter the working world once again. And also put into action what I have learned in school. There is always a solution to the fear feeling. Although, I will always be deathly afraid of spiders, and the solution to that, RUN!
We need to balance our fears. A balanced fear of our delusions and self-made suffering to which they give rise is healthy, because the balance will serve to motivate constructive action to avoid the imaginary stress dilemma. Stomping out fear is all in training the mind, taking action to change the fear, and finding your inner refuge, your inner strength, and even finding a spiritual healing. Don't let fear hold you back. And I will be coaching myself those exact same words as the month of May quickly approaches. YIKES!

Another quote that was brought to my attention today is,

"Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again..." - Simon & Garfunkel, "The Sound of Silence"

And since that little ditty is now implanted in my brain.....I will be singing it all day. Or maybe I should download it so I can listen to it over and over and over....This can be a useful tool in training my mind to not fear my out of reach concern.

Hugs for Always,

Angie

Black Friday

Are you one of those people that go crazy on Black Friday?

Do you put yourself through a whole day of bliss torture? Shopping carts run into the backs of your ankles, baby strollers being used as ram-rods to get through the crowds, hours and hours of long check-out lines, and the possibility of getting hurt with merchandise (or maybe another shopper)?

My daughter asked me to go with her a couple years ago. I don't do well with crowds and my very first reaction was to say "no". But my daughter is a persistent one. "Please mom, all you have to do is stand by the cart and I will throw stuff in." Throw stuff in?? Are you serious? The very first store that we went to, I did just that. I stood by the cart while she threw stuff in. And in my amazed, disbelief, awe, I wanted it to be a mental rejection (this is not happening type of thing), I witnessed merchandise being thrown over innocent bystanders' heads. And do you know what that merchandise was? Great big boxes of the battery powered cars (jeeps) for kids. Oh Lord, I wanted to exit that store, and exit it NOW (I am having a panic attack). The next store that we went to (3 hours later) I found the nearest bench and sat there till my daughter was done shopping (I really hope this bench is bolted down, because when I get the urge to sprint out of the store, I might just take it with me).

I ran across an article from Salt Lake City's Target and Best Buy stores. If you love to shop Black Friday, they make it possible for you to gobble down your turkey dinner and then head out for shopping. The doors will open and the crowds will charge. CHARGE!

Did you know that these two stores start planning their Black Friday sales in July? That is almost four months of planning. And it's not just planning the items that they want to mark for sale, those four months are used for training too. The stores provide in-store seminars and classes to teach the employees the ins and outs of handling large crowds. And the number one concern on Black Friday is customer safety. A public shopping facility being trained on customer safety.....does that tell you something? Every employee is assigned a position. This is kind of sounding like a set up for the president to arrive (they have snipers at every entrance and exit. Security in every department. And a walkie-talkie system just in case there is trouble, like a stampede, fist fights, or hair pulling....). Best buy will have an extra 25 employees on hand; Target will have nearly 175 staffers throughout the day.

One fun fact for you: Americans are expected (statistics, gotta love'm) to spend about $450 billion in sales over the holiday season this year.

Me, I am going to stay home on Black Friday with my doors and windows bolted.....The one day of the year I stay home. Okay, two days a year, I don't go anywhere on New Year's Eve either. I will stay home and say a prayer for the people that put themselves through torture.

I Am Still Stuck On Leadership Skills

I was doing some blog surfing and Back Porch Spice lead me to Quay Po Cooks. You will have to check her out because she is an awesome writer, and she made me laugh on my very first visit with this post. First impressions mean a lot. But the amazing thing about this post, it brought back a memory for me and I thought I'd share it with you.

How do you pass the time with the leaders (supervisors, mentors, etc....) in your life? Are you serious with them all the time, or do you mix things up and add a little humor? Make each other laugh....

While I was visiting Quay Po Cooks I was scrolling down her blog posts and came across this title, "When a Man Grows Older, His Balls Get Smaller". Okay, this is suppose to be a cooking blog....The title made me do one of these; forced me to slam back in my chair and caused my eyes to pop wide open. Can you just see that happening? I know you have done the exact same thing when you see something unexpected.

I am going to tell you the story about my own supervisor (leader) experience, and I really hope I don't offend anyone. Yes, I have a dirty minded streak in me.....don't we all? Working 22 years in a factory tends to keep the mind sharp on the funny thoughts, dirty thoughts, and how to strike out at people without being too offensive.

I spent 22 years working in a factory, and if you've never worked in a factory, this is usually what you will find; everyone talks like a truck driver (no offence truck drivers, just a metaphor), a person is judged by the way they look, there are clicks just like in high school, and the gossip is knee deep.

But on the up-side, some of your co-workers are like your second family. And if you think about it, working in a factory has longer hours than your home hours. So that leads to great relationships and poking fun while you work.

My supervisor at the time was male and we were kind of close in age (he was a little older). I was working the night shift, and my supervisor was faced with a deadline on a particular part that needed to be shipped first thing in the morning. He assigned me to do the job. I always worked very well under pressure, but that night my supervisor thought he needed to check the production numbers every thirty minutes. One thing that I never liked was being checked on (treated like a child). Half way through the shift, and being checked on every half hour, I decided to put an end to it, or try to anyway. He came up behind me one last time and asked how the numbers were looking. I turned around (with a smile on my face, of course) and said, "If you're going to ride my a$$, you better be pulling my hair."

IT WORKED!! And the look on his (blushing red) face was priceless. He had the same look as I had when I ran across the post article about men's balls. Buggy eyes, a step back, and SILENCE.....Yup, left him speechless. I didn't see him the rest of the shift. And yes, the production numbers were met for the morning shipment.

After the little pep-talk, words of encouragement, and dumbfounding the supervisor that night, he figured out that I didn't have to be checked on constantly.

I am working my way toward filling a supervisor position myself and I have been searching for ideas and suggestions that will make me one of the BEST. Funny stories and personal experiences are helping me along the way....

"The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You DEVELOP the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it." ~Elaine Agather

I am going to print this list and keep it near by for when I fill my leadership job role:

1. Have fun (cheap) toys handy to pass out to employees during the working hours. Foam dart fights after a long tedious day of work will relieve stress.

2. Have good ice breakers during a bad day (funny photos on the wall) just to get employees to laugh.

3. Place humor in documents and memos (Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done!)

4. Will I want people to read manuals? Write on a random page (10) that the first 10 employees to mention the page receive a gift (a T-shirt, and the T-shirt would say, "ask me about page 10").

5. Issue dollar fines for excessive whining, and use the proceeds to have a team party.

6. Include competitive FUNdraising. Each department competes to see which team can raise the most money for a charity, with the winning team receiving a prize.

7. Take the blame when an employee fails or messes up.

8. Celebrate screw ups - allow employees a means to feel it's okay to say we screwed up.

Leaders and employees that play together stay together. When fun is encouraged employees or team members are inspired.

Hugs for Always,

Angie

"FAITH"

Over the last few days the word "FAITH" has been appearing everywhere for me. In my emails, on blogs, under my pillow, in the shower, and in my thoughts. So, today I intend to take some time and find out for myself what faith really means. Is it a dream? A vision? A hope? A demand? Is it expected?

According to Merriam-Webster, "FAITH" has many meanings. When we hear the word "faith" we automatically think religion, but it is much more than that. "FAITH" is huge and it only has five letters.

Definition of FAITH:

1. a: allegiance to duty or a person - LOYALTY

b: (1) fidelity to one's promises (2) sincerity of intentions

2. a: (1) belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

b: (1) firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) complete trust

3. something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially: a system of religious beliefs

We never really know what's going to happen in our lives, and every single human being on this big faced earth has a need for certainty. Our need for certainty is, having our car start every day, placing food on the table every day, having a place to sleep at night, and for some, the certainty of money in the bank. Certainty is the sibling to "FAITH". But too much certainty can sometimes stop us from growing or moving forward. That is why we lean on faith more heavily, and leave certainty as a sibling.

The word faith comes from Christian teachings, but it is expandable. Very expandable!

Hebrews 11:1 says, "Faith is being sure of what we hope for." SURE" (impossible to doubt or dispute; certain) and "HOPE" (to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment) in the same sentence......HUM! But if you think about it, faith IS being sure. Children have faith in their parents, and they are sure their parents will provide. Adults have faith in the companies they work for, and they are sure their company will provide. And I'm not about to bring politics into this post, because (my opinion) faith in our government is dying quickly.....

Now if you bring hope into the mix; children hope for a great childhood, and adults hope for a fulfilling life, which creates "FAITH".

To best understand faith, you can look at it this way: It is made up three words, assurance, substance, and reality.

Assurance - Suppose I owe you $40.00 (we're in a recession, so that's enough), and you ask me, "Where's my $40.00 dollars?" I would say, "I don't have the cash on me, but I do have my checkbook, so I'll just write you a check." You accept the check, and the check is your assurance that you will get the money (as long as it's in my account). The check is as good as cash in your hand. Your confidence is, you will get the money because you have the check. Assurance in "FAITH".

Substance - Something beneath you to hold you up. "Sub" means under. "Stance" means something to stand on. Something that is firm enough to hold you up.

I am to short to reach the top cupboards in my kitchen. I keep a stool in the kitchen to lift me up so I can reach the top shelf. The stool is the substance that is going to guarantee my reach. Faith is what holds you up and supports you through life. Faith is the sub-stance of your life.

Reality - The authenticity of something. Faith makes things real to you even when you can't see it. If someone in your family passes away, and you were told during the reading of the will that that person left you a large money certificate, a money certificate that you didn't know about. A lawyer would hand you the certificate and that guarantees the money is yours. That is something you have not seen before turned into reality. That is also "FAITH".

Our faith, our assurance, our foundation, and the reality of our LIFE is based on what we hope for. It is all based on our "FAITH".

We must believe in something, have faith in something, and bring in a little certainty. That is the perfect recipe for synchronicity.....our God, ourselves, an idea, a cause..., a forward fulfilling life is all based on "FAITH".

I am so glad I took the time to research this information, because now I know how to react when the word faith appears a million times throughout the day. It is telling me that I need to work on my sub------stance. Find a firm foundation and make it grow.

Hugs for Always,

Angie

Organization

Have you been wondering where I've been? Well......I'm.....

How do you keep track of the thoughts in your head?

I have so many thoughts going through my head all at the same time, and sometimes everything wants to jam up like a huge traffic jam on the highway, and then I have to sit and wait for things to clear for days....not minutes or hours like a normal traffic jam, but days.

I don't know what you see in your thoughts, but I do a lot of "what if's", "if only", "I need to", "why?", "can I work this in?", "what will the outcome be?", and "how can I help?"

See, I told you it was a mess.....

Well, I have decided that enough is enough! I'm tired of fighting with myself and it's time that I clear my thoughts and put things into action. I should have saved this for a new year resolution, but I can't wait any longer. I have to do something NOW!

I have decided that starting Monday morning (and this can mean 12:00 a.m. Sunday night) I am going to create a schedule for myself and stick to it faithfully. I already have my calendar all marked out (not an electronic calendar, because that would tempt me to surf the internet). I used a paper calendar with a pen.....call me "old school", I don't care. I have to find something that works for me.

I find myself trying to pack more into a 24-hour day than is humanly possible, applying short cuts. And what do I do when I get to the end of the day? I look back on my day to see what I have accomplished and the view is never really that good....Actually I never really accomplish anything. I almost never complete things. I have good intentions every morning when I get out of bed, but my accomplishments at the end of the day are either unfinished, or never got started. Do you ever feel like that? I think that has a lot to do with the traffic jams in my head and being unorganized.

I have decided that I am going to get organized (place accurate traffic lights in my brain where they belong) on my schoolwork and appearance. Yes, appearance. I have never really had a major weight problem, but when 50 (okay, to be exact, it's 46) extra pounds is placed on someone and it's not suppose to be there....that extra weight tends to make that person feel miserable. And I am miserable!! After I lost my job of 22 years, the pounds crept up on me before I could stop them. I don't want to break into a sweat anymore when I get dressed in the morning, or feel out of breath just from putting on my pants. GEEEESH!! And I have a whole dresser full of size 10 jeans that are just sitting there begging to be worn....

Time management and weight loss have a lot in common (and both of these probably come sliding in behind the Get Rich Quick industry). People want instant results, but really don't want to put forth the effort to make things happen or change. Everyone knows to lose weight you eat less and move (sweat) more. To manage your time you take on less and concentrate harder on what you do tackle. But the simple things (less) are the hardest to tackle. That is why my accomplishments at the end of the day are unfulfilled. The simple things get pushed aside and I focus more on the large things. The things that are impossible to finish in one day. It is now time to stop that! I need an even-steven and I need it now.

Have you ever given thought to owning a pedometer? If you think about it, a woman is constantly walking, whether it be doing daily chores, shopping, or chasing children. Can you imagine what it would be like if we didn't combine our daily routine things? STOP MULTITASKING!! For example, instead of trying to see how many grocery bags you can pile on one arm, one finger, or one neck, maybe consider taking one bag at a time. Back and forth to the trunk 20 times instead of 1. That pedometer would be smoke'n by the time you got all the groceries in. The same thing with laundry. Instead of packing your arms full and balancing everything with your chin, how about placing one piece of laundry in the washer at a time. Pile them on the floor, bend, pick-up, twist; place in one shirt, bend pick-up, twist; place in one pair of pants, etc....There are so many ways we can keep ourselves active with everyday routines. Park farther away from the store or workplace.....walk farther. Let your 2 year old run loose in the house. Guaranteed to create exercise for mom.

So, now it's time for me to take my own advice and stop sitting in this computer chair typing all day long. I am going to get in some extra steps, and extra physical activity. If I'm going to live for a long time, I sure do want to be able to enjoy life.

Hugs for Always,

Angie

Leadership

It's a rainy day Monday, and I have two papers to write before class on Wednesday. It is quiet in the house with just the sound of rain lightly hitting the roof, and oh yeah, the dreadful sound of the washing machine. Monday's are always laundry day. And I am going to take the time to bore you with my leadership research.....HA! Lucky you!

I have a portfolio project to complete for my leadership class, and I thought it would be helpful if I get some of my thoughts down on paper the computer screen to help me along. My portfolio consists of a view of one book by a leader or about a leader (due 4 pages), a review of at least one article dealing with leadership (due 4 pages), a short discussion of a leadership story (due 2 pages), (and I already know who I'm going to include in this one. He doesn't know it yet, but my minister is going to help me with this one. He has an awesome leadership story.), a discussion of one or two metaphors which guide, enhance, or illuminate my thinking on leaders, their missions, and their relations to their followers (due 2 pages). Looks like I have my hands full, huh?

What is the true definition of leadership? Leadership is a process whereby an individual influences a group of individuals to achieve a common goal.

One of my all time favorite leaders is Martin Luther King Jr. He definitely had an impact and strong influence on our American history, and leading us to where we are today. What a strong man he was, and he carried the four factors of leadership proudly and strongly:

Leader - A person that has a strong understanding of who they are, what they know, and what they can do. A true leader, to be successful, has to convince their followers, not themselves, that they are worthy of being followed.

Followers - Different people, or groups require different styles of leadership. A good strong leader will know their followers. They will know their human nature, such as needs, emotions, and motivation.

Communication - A dedicated leader will never communicate, or ask their audience to perform anything that he/she would not be willing to do themselves.

Situation - A leader will know the difference between one situation to another. There will never be two situations that require the same approach.

Martin Luther King Jr. surly matched the process of great leadership. He challenged the process for the civil rights of his race. He inspired a shared vision, "I have a dream". He also enabled others to act by giving his followers the tools and methods to solve a problem (civil rights movement). He modeled the way by getting his own hands dirty and showing his followers what can be done. And last but not least, he encouraged the heart by sharing the glory with his followers, while keeping the pains within his own heart.

And did he do this all for himself? Heavens no! He did all this for his people, his followers, his audience. He gave his life for his beliefs and inspiration. But he was also rewarded for being such a great leader. He was awarded five honorary degrees; was named man of the year in 1963; and became not only the symbolic leader of American blacks, but also a world figure. He was the youngest man to have received the Nobel Peace Prize, and what did he do with the winnings? He handed over $54,123 to the furtherance of the civil rights movement. In 1968 all this greatness came to an end....He was assassinated while standing on the balcony of his Tennessee hotel room. Which leads to another situation for great leaders to hold in their hearts, they have to face the fact that some people may feel threatened, envious, jealous, and hatred for what a great leader is trying to accomplish. It is sad that some people are affected that way.....

A person does not become a leader overnight, or as the saying goes, "He/she was born a leader". Just so you know, that saying is rubbish, not true, garbage, and can be wiped from any book that it appears in. It takes hard work to become a dependable, trustworthy, and courageous leader.

I have dipped my hands into writing because all the thoughts in my head are just piling up, and piling up, and piling up.....

I take notes (carry around a notebook everywhere I go) to relieve the build-up in my brain. During church service on Sunday the sermon was about leadership. HA!! Go figure! Something that I need information on to complete my portfolio for school. I whipped out my trusty note taking pencil and thought catching notebook, and I started writing.....

What did my thoughts snag catch Sunday morning?

I am just going to transfer everything from my notebook to this piece of paper computer screen. That way you will get a good view of my thought process and how my brain actually works.

Leadership doesn't mean anything unless the leader puts forth love and caring for everyone. If a leader leads for show or money, their skills don't mean anything. Some leaders want to compete (the American way, right?), and that brings forth an image problem where the leader feels and acts superior. Our society has taught us how to compete (it only matters if you win, it doesn't matter if you step on people to get there, and greed).

And oh how we judge people.....is that habit, ignorance, what we've been taught, or is it just a way of our American selfish behavior?

A person that judges others spends so much time worrying about what others are doing, that they don't notice the ignorance they are creating for themselves. People control the way they act, we control what we do and say, and there is a heart within every person that we are quick to judge.

Are you a servant or a selfish know-it-all that can only see what is best for yourself? To be a strong servant (leader), you serve yourself appropriately and others faithfully. Serve, don't judge!

A true leader serves with a whole warm heart!

Hugs for Always,

Angie

Excuses are BS!

Making excuses is a bunch of bull$&#% BS. But you know what? I would be lying if I said that I never make excuses. I make excuses all the time when it comes to my health, choice of foods, and constructing my time. Oh, I am bad with time......I really need to find a way to correct that, and you know what excuse I use when my time is on the line? I don't have a smart phone. Yup, I am going to blame technology. Makes me look good anyway, right? WRONG! How many of you use that same excuse when you have made a commitment and don't really want to fulfill it? It's technology's fault.

"If I had a smart phone I would be able to schedule my time, appointments, work load, and even food intake. I'm sure there is an app for that....."

If you think about it, excuses were being made since the beginning of time. Excuses go all the way back to the Garden of Eden. God asked Adam if he had eaten of the tree he was commanded not to, Adam created the world's very first excuse, "The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat" (Genesis 3:12). And when God asked Eve what she had done, she gave the world's second excuse, "The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat" (Genesis 3:13).

Excuses negate responsibility, and it is responsibility that separates man from the rest of the world. We are responsible not for what we have, but for what we could have; not for what we are, but for what we could become. Trying to hide our failures with excuses is like hiding a small hole in our clothes with a large patch; the patch is clearly noticeable, draws attention, and only makes matters worse.

Benjamin Franklin once said, "He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else."

And Shakespeare: "And oftentimes, excusing of a fault,

Doth make a fault the worse by the excuse;

As patches set upon a little breach,

Discredit more in hiding of the fault,

Than did the fault before it was so patch'd"

Excuses are harmful because they forbid one from succeeding.

If we discipline ourselves to NOT make excuses and compassionately hug responsibility, we will harvest many rewards. What are the successes of NOT making excuses? We build a strong foundation of self-respect, pride, and confidence. Responsibility grows competence and power. By fulfilling our promises and obligations, we win the trust and respect of others. Excuses are the brake pads of progress.

Food intake and choices seem to be a tough responsibility for some people to deal with. One of my pet peeves is when someone says, "I can't eat healthy because it is so expensive", or "I am on a fixed income so I can't afford to buy healthy foods." Now, to me, that is BS..... an excuse....a large patch.... There might as well be a sticker on your forehead that says "I am a failure and I hide behind my excuses".

I am attending a health and fitness class at school. My excuse for being overweight is, "I have a hard time keeping a schedule." .....BS.....FAILURE.....LARGE PATCH.....LACK OF RESPONSIBILITY.....STICKER ON MY FOREHEAD......

I would do so much better if I had a schedule trainer follow me around constantly saying, "It is now time to eat fruit, it is now time to run on the elliptical, it is now time to go for a walk, it is now time to do homework, it is now time to do volunteer work, it is now time to eat a healthy dinner, it is now time to spend with family, it is now time to sleep"......and so on.... I know I would be able to make it work if I had a trainer. Bull$&#%!! BS!! I need to take responsibility and create my own structured schedule. AND STICK TO IT!

But anyway, back to the pet peeve of not being able to eat healthy. Every single grocery store runs a sale ad. That is how they get customers into their store. And their sale items consist of sales out of every department (produce, meats, frozen foods, dairy, etc...). This is how I fulfill my needs of eating healthy: I work from the sale ad only. Sure I may not be hungry for the items that are on sale, but I adjust. I adjust to the foods, I don't let the foods adjust me. And something else that restricts people from eating healthy, the time it takes to cook or prepare meals. Quick-fix foods are so much easier and faster.....or is that an excuse?

I was at the grocery store just yesterday and bought cabbage, grapes, avocados, celery, lean pork products, and some raviolis (for the daughter) for less than $65.00. I bought enough healthy food to feed us (3) for a week. Less than $65.00 cannot be met on a fixed income? If you want to make it happen, you will find a way (responsibility).

I ran across a list of "how to stop making excuses and start building a life", and there is a cute little garden that goes along with it.

1. Realize that your success or failure depends on you. The choices you make will strengthen your attitude. Don't spend so much time on creating an excuse, spend that time creating responsibility for yourself.

2. Beware of rationalization. Sometimes we create excuses to hide the behavior we are ashamed of (being overweight). You can fight rationalization by creating a list to strengthen your weaknesses. An, "I am not going to do this anymore list", and check them off as you complete them. Before you know it, you won't need that list anymore because your changes will become habit. Instead of heading to the freezer section of the grocery store, spend about 30 minutes in the produce department. Discipline yourself!

3. From time to time, stop and examine your progress. Set goals for yourself. Make a list of goals, say for a week or a month, complete those goals and review them. Maybe at the end of a week or month you can increase the goals. Even if it takes baby steps, goals are good.

My goals that I created for myself are, 1. eating breakfast every day. I'm not a breakfast eater, but breakfast is the most important meal of the day, whether it be 1 egg, a sugar free muffin, or a small bowl of cereal. 2. I am also running (walking) 20 minutes a day on the elliptical. I plan on increasing that after a month. Baby steps.....

4. When you make a mistake, accept responsibility. Learn from that mistake, get back on that horse, and don't repeat it. Use your time wisely, discover solutions instead of inventing excuses.

5. Plant your garden of success! Start today!

First, plant 3 rows of peas;
Patience
Positive thinking
Persistence

Next, plant 3 rows of squash;
Squash excuses
Squash blame
Squash criticism

Then, plant 3 rows of lettuce;
Let us be responsible
Let us be trustworthy
Let us be ambitious

Finish, with 3 rows of turnip;
Turn up when needed
Turn up with a smile
Turn up with confidence

Are you going to plant your garden today?

A Big Fat "F"

A big fat "F"......

And that is exactly what I looked like when I was handed back my quiz in my accounting class. I think I blacked out for at least thirty minutes (or more), didn't know where I was at (room started spinning), and when I came to, I was in need of a toilet really bad because I felt like I was going to PUKE.

If I would have placed this scenario back 26 years ago, when I was in high school.... failing grades were cool, that's how you became popular, of course I would have been okay. I would have smirked at the teacher and had a proud simper look on my face. But I'm 43 years old, trying to better my life, stuff my brain full of education (overload), and every waking minute is spent on schoolwork.....An "F" is completely unacceptable!

I pulled myself together to make it through the four hours of class, mentally yelling at myself for being so stupid, imagined punching myself really hard, and forced thoughts of good things into my head (rainbows, butterflies, what's for dinner, monkeys at the zoo, etc....) so I wouldn't break down in tears and look even more stupid. But when class was over and I (sprinted) got in the car alone.....Oh buddy! The waterworks started! I have at least a 20 minute drive home, so I thought that would give me enough time to feel sorry for myself. I could have a good cry, pat myself on the back and say, "It will be okay. You have plenty of time to pull this "F" up. Get it together Angie!! You are making stupid silly mistakes and not putting your "ALL" into it. You just aren't concentrating hard enough."

After my pep talk with myself, I felt better (a little). I can now return home and no one will ever know I was crying (over spilt milk).

"Big Girls Don't Cry".....Do you remember that song by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons? Yeah, even when it came on the radio during the drive home, it didn't make me feel any better. Actually it made me even more angry, and that's when I reached down and tore off the radio knob.....SHUT THE HELL UP!! "You have no idea what I am going through right now Frankie, and I don't need your mushy support."

I wiped my tears at a stop sign about five minutes away from my house, fixed my make-up, took some deep breaths, thought of monkeys at the zoo again, and when I pulled in the driveway I had everything under control (so I thought). But guess who was standing at the door? Yup, the person that supports me the most, the love of my life, my equal half, and the one that turned on the waterworks again (dang it!). All I had to do was look at him and I instantly started crying.....AGAIN! Another big fat failure in a single day. I am suppose to be the strong one, I am suppose to be the supporter, and I am older so I have to fulfill stability. OMG!! What a big fat cry baby I am.....

But you know what? I did some research today on crying, and according to doctors, crying is healthy. It is an emotional perspiration of the body. Given the fact that I sweat often (don't forget I'm 43), I suppose it makes sense that I'm a crier. And after my research, I don't have to feel bad about it, because after a good cry, I always feel cleansed, ignoring the swollen eyes, broken heart feeling, and fighting to stop the tears. I always feel like my heart and mind have connected and rubbed together like my first cup of coffee and cream at the start of each new day. Crying makes me feel renewed, refreshed, and gives me a start-over point. Even though I look like crap afterward.

Here are seven ways (according to doctors) tears, or crying heal us physiologically, psychologically, and spiritually.

1. Tears help us to see. Literally. Tears not only act as a lubricant for the eyeball, they also prevent dehydration of our mucous membranes. No lubrication = no eyesight.

2. Tears are our own built in waterless antibacterial solution. Cry a few tears and there is no need for liquid antibacterial soaps. Catch your tears and you are all set to fight off germs. So, the next time you go shopping, think about the money you are spending, cry while making your food or item choices, wash your hands with tears, and there is no worries about the germs that were left on that shopping cart.

3. Crying and tears have been researched for as long as I have been searching for sanity, and that is a long time.....But it has been found that emotional tears (distress or grief = a big fat "F") contains more toxic byproducts than tears of irritation (onion peeling or poking yourself in the eye with a mascara brush). Now that doesn't mean that tears are toxic themselves, it means that tears remove toxins from our bodies. Tears are like a natural massage that has no cost. So, that big fat "F" gave me the best massage I have ever had.

4. You know, all those feelings that live rent free inside your head (anxiety, fatigue, aggression, nervousness, etc....)? Crying releases them feelings to move out of your head. The stress you feel is your manganese level. When that level is lower, you are more healthy (so go ahead and cry). Pack your bags manganese level I am kicking you(r) ass out.

5. It is true, tears are really a form of body perspiration. Do you feel better after you exercise and sweat (lookie there, now I know why I don't exercise, I cry all the time)? Well, a good cry does the same thing. Tears remove some of the chemicals built up in the body from stress. I must have been really stressed out because I sweated tears for one whole evening.....If you hold back your tears that is when stress levels will contribute to high blood pressure, heart problems, and peptic ulcers. After my hours of crying, I am now stress free....YIPPIE!

6. Tears help communication and foster community. What? If someone is concerned about my tears, does that mean I have to invite them to dinner? Does that mean we have joined together in a tight community? No, help in communication and fostering community simply means that the people that matter most in your life are there to support you. Tears strengthen relationships. Right Sean? And you better agree, because you made me feel better when I pulled in the driveway crying like a big fat failure.

7. If you let conflicts and resentments build up inside you, they gather in the limbic system of the brain. Crying lets the devils out before they wreak havoc with the nervous and cardiovascular systems. It is true, all human feelings need to be felt, but it helps when we are able to throw fits, sob and cry, perspire (tears), and tremble.

Go ahead, it is healthy to cry, and you can leave the rainbows and monkeys out of it.....Just let the tears flow, wash your hands, make new friends, and relieve some of that stress.

Hugs for Always,

Angie

Fixing Things and Being Single

Last Sunday I volunteered to help my church make apple dumplings, a whole 900 of them. The fellowship hall was set up with assembly line tables like the inside of a make-shift factory. We had peeler stations, dough roller stations, and a package and labeling department, but that is not what I'm writing about today.

While at one of the apple dumpling assembly line tables, I was asked a question that really hit my heart, and caused me to ask myself, "How did I survive?"

The question was, "How old were you Angie when you lost your dad?" I had just celebrated my 18th birthday.

Have I missed my dad through my adult life? You bet'cha. But I think I inherited his strength, and that is what keeps me going.

My dad was the fix-it type. Whenever there was a problem he would fix it. "I will fix it", no matter if it was a broken heart or a car. My dad loved to fix up old cars. He fixed up an old '57 Chevy and drove it in drag races, which attracted all the teenage boys in the area (lucky me!). He also fixed up an old 1970 Chevy Camaro that he gave to me for my first car (AKA: The Bondo Buggy) . Let me tell ya, driving around a sporty Camaro in the late 1980's, I was a style'n teenager......And it went perfect with my concert T-shirts and Levi jeans (a rebel).

But when I was a teenager I broke my dad's heart, and I couldn't fix it.....At the early age of 17 I found out I was pregnant. I think what broke his heart the most was, he didn't know how to fix it either. About 6 months out of the 9 before my baby's birth, my dad and I lost communication. He made it very obvious that I had disappointed him. But the closer I got to my due date, he could no longer hide his excitement. He was going to be a grandpa for the first time. We spent the last month contemplating on a boy or girl. And we both wanted a girl badly (Cassie).

While I was in the delivery room, my dad called me on the phone, I think, demanding to talk to me, because the nursing staff brought me the phone during my delivery. My dad got to hear his granddaughter's first cries through the phone. "We have our Cassie, Dad!"

Then shortly after Cassie was born, my dad got very sick. He was diagnosed with bone cancer, and he was in the last stages when the doctors found it. He didn't even know he was sick.

From the moment I brought Cassie home, till his last breath, they were inseparable. He took her everywhere, even to the drag races when she was two weeks old.

We sat up a playpen in his hospital room just so Cassie could be near him.

Six months after Cassie was born my dad passed away with bone cancer.

This is Cassie, and this is where my strength begins.....

I live in a small community, and you know how small communities work, right? Gossip, gossip, gossip....There was a lot of talk about me not being a good mother, and Cassie would grow up being nothing but trouble. I just love my supportive community.....(that was sarcasm if you couldn't tell).

I call Cassie my gift from God, because if she had not been born, my dad would not have had the opportunity to see, feel, and spend time with his first grandchild.

I started my child raising journey single until Cassie was 5, married for 7 years, married again for 3, and have been in and out of relationships ever since. But my children have always been placed first. If they were being mistreated, abused, or experiencing a broken heart, "I fixed it".

I think that is part of the reason why I chose to be single through most of my adult life. I fix things best on my own.

There are some benefits to being a single parent.

Even though the responsibility was overwhelming at times (lack of sleep, lack of income, and lack of energy), I made it through. And my benefits were:

I got to make all the decisions in the home without compromising with a partner.

I got breaks when the kids would visit their dad (spent the entire time sleeping though).

I got to bond with my children without interference. If I chose to play with my kids all evening I didn't have someone complaining about time not being spent with them.

I developed more confidence in myself. I learned to make decisions on my own, solve problems, and I didn't need to rely on someone else to help me.

I had more control in child rearing. I was the one there for my children day-in and day-out influencing them. Just me!

My home was stress free (no arguing, fighting, or complaining).

I didn't have to take time caring for another adult (making sure they remain happy).

It gave my children opportunities to develop responsibility. My children felt like partners in the home instead of "just the kids".

And my children and I learned resiliency. The ability to "bounce back" when negative things happen.

The last two items on this list were positives for Cassie. She is the strongest young adult I know. She has two children, attends school, and works a full-time job (40 - 60 hours a week). She has gone through many negatives in her adult life so far, and she always bounces back.

This is Logan. He is a thinker, fixer, and my best food critic. He also inherited my dad's personality, which I think is awesome.

One thing that stands out in my mind with Logan, and I know my parenting techniques worked, is I approached him with a question one day, "Do you think I did a good job teaching you religion while you were growing up?"

His response made me crumble. This is what he said, "PHSSST.....No!" (I always had my children involved in the church).

After I pulled myself together, picked my heart up off the floor, took my hand and forcefully closed my mouth that had shot open from his response, I asked him, "What do you mean?"

He said, "Mom, no one knows everything about religion, and there is no way you could possibly teach me about it. I have my own understanding of religion. It doesn't have anything to do with you. The one thing you did though, you taught me to believe."

Oh, thank the Lord!! My son is so smart.....

Now onto Randi. She has grown up, her teenage years, in the tech world. I have to compete with technology which makes things a little more difficult. I still enforce dinner around the table (communication) without cell phones, and computers.

Randi has always been a clinger. And she makes it very clear that I am her idol, which is almost frightening. She has a hard time doing things on her own. But one thing she's really good at is, she thinks through a situation before acting or making a decision. She is constantly trying to direct her friends on what is right and wrong. She doesn't give in to peer pressure, which makes me think that she will continue my strength.

Those are my children, and my parenting job is almost complete. And do you think I can sleep now that I have the opportunity? Heavens no! Since I am getting older and my kids have grown up I don't need much sleep. I don't have to deal with the hustle and bustle of worrying about my children, making sure they stay out of trouble, and directing them. They are pretty much on their own now with hopes that they have learned something from me.

My parenting technique throughout their lives have been, mutual respect (manners and respect for each other and elders), truly listen (putting aside my own thoughts and beliefs to try and see my child's point of view), and giving direction (brief with ideas in only a few sentences instead of lecturing. I gave my children plenty of room to give direction to themselves).

Now onto my grandchildren.....This is Lydia, and she is smart as a whip. She also likes babies and pretty things.

Asthon, he's into boxing and karate. He has had a rough beginning, but I can only hope and pray that his mother (Cassie) influences him with her own parenting techniques. Cassie is doing a great job so far. I'm not one of those grandma's that is laden with worry.

Based on your experiences with your own children, what is the best advice that you could give about raising children?

Hugs for Always,

Angie

Road Rage

I have got some serious road rage going on here lately.

I drive 17 miles, the same route, at least 4 times a week, sometimes 5 times depending on my school schedule.

If there is no road sign or markings on the road that says you can pull up on my right side to make a right hand turn, then why are you there? You are blocking my view of traffic where I need to see to cross the road. So, since you are in a hurry, and I just might be in a hurry too....I have to sit and wait for you to move so my view of traffic is clear. UGH!!! Sometimes I just want to get out of my car and yell, scream, stomp around, and punch these people that think they own the road.

Last week I was sitting at a stop sign waiting to cross traffic. A huge 4-wheel drive truck pulled up on my right side to make a right hand turn (no markings or sign saying that he can do that, or be there). He was in such a hurry that he didn't even stop, he just followed on through with his bossy, ignorant way of driving. Since he was in such a hurry he pulled out in front of an on-coming car. He almost caused an accident. While all this time I am still sitting at the stop sign waiting to cross the road. And I can't see a thing with huge monster vehicles getting in my way.....So, this means my timed road trip is not as important as the, so they think, owners of the road. I will just sit and wait for ignorance to clear out of my way.

To solve this problem I have given thought to hugging the median on the right side of the road when I come to a stop sign. Do you think others will experience road rage if I do that? If I get in the way of their hurriedness (is that a word?)?

But when I sit and think about this road rage feeling, I ask myself, "why" am I getting so angry? Because when I stop and think about the whole situation, when I have to sit at the stop sign and wait for these people (crazy drivers) to get out of my way, I have plenty of time to say a prayer for these people.

"Dear Lord, please watch over these people on the road that are in a hurry. Keep them safe today, and please don't let them make any more people mad."

I'd say I am using my time wisely and sustaining my anger.

Anger is an ugly thing. If you let it, it will control your life like a hungry beast stalking its prey. But what is anger really? I think anger is a form of sadness, a form that wants to come alive and take over your thoughts, body, and way of living. It wants to make you miserable. It wants to win. It wants all the glory. It wants to feed on you.

Could anger really be the desperate need to reach out for love?

Okay, my road rage is a form, a feeling, a thought process that has to be dealt with. Since I know I am loved, I don't really let this road rage anger eat me up. I take a moment to really feel and discern the feelings of anger. That is why I say a prayer while I'm sitting at the stop sign, and deep breathing while chanting "gooosseeeee-frabbba" seems to work too.

To fully understand your anger feelings, ask yourself some questions:

What is it that you are really mad about?

Is it worth the effort to feed that beast?

What is making you sad today?

Now that you know the answers. How do you change your feelings? Look at your anger as a request, or desire for love. If you request love, you can give love. It's kind of like the domino affect. How you react to something is going to affect the outcome of your entire day. If you start the day angry, you will end the day angry. If you start the day with love, you end the day with love. Pretty simple solution, huh? And it does work, believe me. I would be angry every day if I held a grudge against those crazy drivers. But I see their actions and their call for love, a call for attention. So I say a prayer for them and send them on their way. I complete my day with love....

Love your wrath....use it for energy to positively change your day. To ensure a good domino affect for the ending of the day. Turn your anger into love.

If you're angry today, you can vent here. Tell me what is making you angry and how you correct, or diminish that feeling.

Hugs for Always,

Angie

Stillness

As I am typing this post the thoughts of mounds of homework, mounds of laundry, and mounds of house cleaning pass through my mind.

But right at this hour, this moment, this second, you are more important.

Today I would like to talk about STILLNESS.

How do you still yourself?

What kind of mirror image do you see?

How important is that image?

The last thing I wanted for this blog is to have it be about me. But to get my messages across to you loving and wonderful people out there in the cyber world, I have to use examples of what (life lessons, life happenings, feelings, etc...) has gotten me to where I am today. I do not want you to think I'm self-centered, and there may be some experiences of mine that match yours.

How do you still yourself? How do you reach down and find your inner self, your inner strength, the sincere you?

Are you one that likes to sit in nature, breath deep the air of seasonal scents? What about yoga? Yoga can be very relaxing and mind stimulating. Or maybe you are one that likes to remain in the hustle and bustle of this busy world and visit a public massage parlor. Whatever technique works for you is what's best for you. Finding our inner selves is very important. We should be able to listen to our own advise, knowing it's the best advise, instead of running to others for opinions and direction. And I'm not going to lie....I have not found my full inner self yet, but I am getting there. I still have doubts and feelings of insecurity where I seek direction and advise. But that feeling is getting smaller. I am becoming bigger, stronger, and I tend to rely on my own advise and direction, knowing that my own advise is solid.

What works for me is: I wait for complete darkness, draw myself a bubble bath, light candles, and just relax. I allow my mind to clear so I can reach deep into my inner thoughts. I can see clearly my own good advise on moving forward, where I want to be, and how I'm going to get there. I am my best critic.....WE are our best critics.

The experiences I have faced in my life have forced me to get in touch with my inner self. Figure out why I'm here, what my purpose is, what my passion is, and knowing the difference.

Two years ago I lost my job of 22 years. My life crumbled right before my eyes. The company I worked for decided to take their facility over seas. I was stuck in the routine of the working world. Go to work, take care of my family, take care of my home, be dependent on money, etc... I was going through life like a robot. Doing the same things over, and over, and over....

Since I am an observant person to what is going on around me, I noticed the downfall in the company almost a year before it actually closed. Sure, the loss of my job affected me emotionally, and I spent a couple months feeling sorry for myself, and did a lot of crying. But I pulled myself up out of the ashes of doom and I placed myself in school. I have been attending college for the last three years. With my job going over seas, I was awarded an education program called the TAA (Trade Adjustment Act). While the TAA is a government program, I am not allowed to work. I have taken full advantage of this opportunity to clear my path and begin fresh. I also do tons of volunteer work. If I keep myself busy I don't have time to dwell on the past or make myself depressed.

It's funny how things happen....Sure, I was scared when my job ended, but this change in my life is what has helped me find my inner self and my inner passion. The one that has been dying to break free for years. If you don't follow your passion you are truly missing out on something wonderful.

My passion is to publicly write, and look, I am doing it. I am fulfilling my inner self, my authentic self, even if no one reads it.... I'm not making any money, but my self-worth is being found. My self-worth is being powered by the inner me, the sincere me, the thoughtful me....

Following a passion - Even if you can't make a living at following your passion, you are fulfilling your self worth. You are able to express yourself and portray the importance of why you are here on earth.

My passion gives me a feeling of being free, it is meaningful to me, and I am expressing myself in the way that it suits me. The way that it makes me feel happy.

What kind of mirror image do you see? What is your shadow image like?

Fear is a normal shadow image for almost everyone, I think. The way the economy is today I think would scare the be-Jesus out of anyone, but when we stay true to ourselves we should be able to overcome that fear.

My shadow image, the one that keeps following me around and is being a real pain in the butt, is the fear of not achieving good grade marks. When my marks aren't good I feel like a failure. But that is my own ego/anger issue that I have to deal with. My ego/anger is the emotion that I need to control, just as well as you will have to when you find the inner you.

I also fear the thought of my schooling coming to an end (next May). Education has become an addiction for me, and I'm afraid when it's all over I will fall right back into that robot way of living. I'm afraid to cut that cord because I fear I will lose my inner self, my authentic self, and my passion.

Therefore, since I have found it, I need to keep it.

How important is your inner image?

Stimulate yourself and give thought to a new way of experiencing your life and your self-worth. Dig deep and find the hidden you, the one that you know is there, the one that heeds your passions. That person is there, believe me. Do you really want to live a robot life without expressing yourself? Wouldn't you rather enjoy the journey of life instead of racing to the end?

Life is a journey, not a race. Enjoy it, live it, breathe it, and fulfill it. You were placed on this earth for a reason. Find your passion and let it loose.

Enjoy the journey of your life, not the desperate need to finish....

Hugs for Always,

Angie