Fake Love

There are some things that I let piss me off bother me that I really shouldn’t pay any attention to, but sometimes those things cannot be avoided. And feelings and emotions are some of the hardest things to control.

I don’t know if any of you have to deal with step-parents (and in my case, she is not really a step parent, she is a live-in acquaintance to my ex husband). But for some reason she wants to claim my children as her own. Calling my daughters HER daughters, and calling my son HER son. She is even going as far as calling my grand kids HER grandkids. This should not bother me because I have raised my children with a tremendous amount of love. They know the difference between true love and fake love.

And the funny thing about this situation, I have never spoken ill of this person, my children do…..

I am on vacation this week in Arizona, but I still remain active with my cyber communications with my children. Yesterday I opened my Facebook page to see this:

Lisa Yackee

Had a great night last night with my 2 beautiful daughters and my precious granddaughter on our girls night out. Hope we can do that more often. I hope my girls know that I love them so much and I am so blessed with them, I could not have had any better girls than what I do. I love you Cassandra Lynne Beck, Randi Marie Hatcher and Miss Lydia Ann!!!!

Does she realize that those blessed and precious girls have been raised by me? This is what I call pure ignorance, but hey, if it makes her feel better.....I can deal with it.

She is my ex husband’s live-in acquaintance, and the names she has listed are MY daughters and granddaughter….For Real???

And just this morning I opened my email to find this (to make myself feel better);

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."

- Catherine Ponder

I really don’t want to be bound to this person in any way, shape, or form. So I forgive her for her ignorance.

But if you know me, I had to research the topic of fake love. To better get you on base with this person she refused to talk to my daughter for about a month because my daughter missed her birthday. No wishes were sent from a 17 year old girl, teenager, wrapped up with boys, friends, and good times. Does that really require a grudge from an adult? But then she tries to right her wrongs by creating a MOTHER DAUGHTER DAY!! GIRL’S DAY OUT!!

Some people will say that there is no such thing as fake love, but I have to disagree. I see it daily in the emotional roller coaster that this woman has my children on. Do I resent her for that? Of course I do. Emotions are not something to play with, especially when it comes to young people. False love is more evil than open hatred. If families can’t stick together, whether step, acquaintance, etc… they end up not with a family, but with a melting mess. Yes, there are families that show outright contempt for each other, but what about the stable ones (my home)? Stability is dependent on a number of things like money, love, time, and health. Which money has always been a major issue when it comes to my children and their dad’s way of thinking (“That is what child support is for”). So, over the years my children have found that their father’s home is not dependable. My fault? No!

In a home where there is love for all, but one of the gears are not truthfully reciprocating the love received, then all the gears are being robbed. A lot of time this goes unnoticed, and the other family members will try and fill the gaps (which I have done when it comes divorce). I have spent years working extra hard to fill in the gap (unstable father). But ya know, my children are old enough to tell the difference between fake and what is true.

I ran across a list of 5 things a step-parent should never do. It’s amazing how this list of 5 things have been broken tremendously by her (so-called step-parent).

Don’t Bad-Mouth the Biological Parents (broken)

A step-parent will have their own opinions about the biological parent, but whatever the feelings or opinions are they should not be discussed with the child. Voicing disdain will make the child feel as though they have to choose between the step-parent and the biological parent. She talks bad about me all the time to my children. How do I know? They tell me.

Don’t Be a Disciplinarian (broken)

It is the biological parent’s job to be the parents, not the step-parents job. This has been broken by being demanding on who my daughter can be friends with, and my son’s choice on who he wants to be engaged to. This woman doesn’t like my son’s fiancée (Sydney), so the MOTHER DAUGHTER DAY was created by purposefully leaving out Sydney. Very good parenting skills there…..

Don’t Be a Replacement Parent (broken)

A step-parent should never try and take the place of the biological parent, which she is trying to do (MOTHER DAUGHTER DAY? FOR REAL?). This could lead to big time resentment from the children (which she has created herself). She should be focusing more on being a mentor or caring ear instead of demanding to be the mother of my children.

Don’t Expect Things to be Perfect (broken)

The so called love that she was expecting when she started a relationship with my children’s father was demanding, insisted, and forced. She did not give the connection of love time to develop between her and my children.

Don’t Play Favorites (broken)

She does not have her own children so she feels she can pick and choose mine. For instance, the dislike of my son’s fiancée, which is played in front of my children every time there is a family get together on their dad’s side. She refuses to speak to Sydney and gives her the cold shoulder.

I really don’t have anything to fear from this so-called step-parent, because I understand my children, I provide for my children, and they know where stability lies. But when I see public posts on Facebook from her to my children I can’t help but puke inside my mouth a little feel a ping of resentment toward this woman. She does not have the right to create fake love when it comes to my kids, their emotions, their hearts, and stability. And she seems to put the “attack” into play when I’m nowhere near my children (thousands of miles away in Arizona). I am not going to let her intimidation affect me because I know the true feelings of my children and myself.