Friday, August 16, 2013
I haven't been here for a while, and this morning I woke up with the urge to get my feelings out onto the computer screen. It always helps me to type what I'm feeling, and it's been way too long overdue.
Let me begin by telling you how much I love Mastin Kipp. If you don't know who he is here is a link to his inspiration that touched me this morning, and made me realize that what I'm facing is a bump in the road. Give Mastin a visit.
I agree with Mastin, we all hit bumps in the road of life. But I am not bouncing high enough as quickly as I would like.
Back in April I was offered a job that was located three hours away from where I was currently living. A living where I had spent my whole entire life from birth to age 44. This job offer meant that I would have to pack up and leave my stability, my life long home, my children, grand children, and a relationship of seven years. I am a strong woman! I CAN do this! And there was no possible way I could turn down the job offer. I spent four years in college to receive a Bachelor Degree in Organizational Supervision and Leadership. The job position offered was for a shift manager. I AM THERE!! Within three days I packed and moved my necessities to a location three hours away. Now you might say, "Three hours away is not far", "You can always drive back to see your family and friends". But my instant life change created a bump in the road for me.
I tried my hardest to convince myself that the opportunity would be fun. I would live on my own for the first time in my life. No children, no relationship, no responsibilities other than my own, and could come and go as I pleased. Fun, right? I did okay for the first few weeks. Got totally involved with my new job (learning kept me content), loved the new experience of the city, walked to the grocery store when I wanted something to eat (a convenience I didn't have in my previous life), and went out exploring. But as time went on I found it very difficult to deal with returning to an empty apartment, not having anyone to talk to, not having any friends, and the hardest one to deal with, sleeping alone.
I began suppressing my emotions and feelings. Stuffing them back into myself to create my own loneliness, my own depression, my own fear. I broke off the relationship of seven years because I didn't think it was fair to drag him into my insecure crazy life. When I noticed the depressing feelings sneaking up on me I then decided to take the weekends and drive back to my life-long home. Stay there for the weekend and that should give me enough energy to get through the work week until another drive back on the weekend came along. My drives back and forth created a bonding friendship with someone that has always been dear to me. Then my work weeks turned into a "missing you" issue and I couldn't wait for that drive back home. I didn't realize what I was doing to myself. I was creating my own misery. My own insanity. My own problems. Which created even more suppressing emotions and feelings. I HAVE TO STOP!!
So today, instead of running, I have decided to make some changes. I am going to try and follow Mastin's system and give up the chase. I am going to live day to day and not rush tomorrow. I am going to breathe, and I even ordered "The Crazy Sexy Diet" that Mastin suggested.
To get the full gist of the message you have visit Mastin.