Tuesday, May 22, 2012


Jealousy - We all go through it sometimes in our lives, and we all deal with it sometimes in our lives. Jealousy is a wicked emotion to overcome. It is almost like a disease.
As I was doing research on the subject of jealousy,  almost every article I read was based on jealousy in a relationship. But jealousy goes beyond relationships. The green eye of jealousy can be found between any two people. For instance, a mother and step-mother (that is where the jealousy is found in my life). Oh it's not me that's the jealous one, it's the step-mother. She worries and frets over everything that I do, and then she says nasty things to my children about me because it makes her feel better about herself. But I consider myself the bigger person. I have a control over my emotions and thoughts, and I don't have a low self-esteem issue.  Jealousy is a disease that takes total control of a person's emotions and thoughts.

Just a couple weeks ago I was feeling the pangs of jealousy (in my relationship), but the pangs I was feeling had more to do with insecurity. Which jealousy and insecurity go hand in hand. I don't like myself very well when the insecurity emotion takes me over. I have to do a lot of talking to myself to fix the interrupted emotion of doubt, fear, and insecurity. I have to talk myself right out of it. I call myself "stupid" a lot when I let these foolish emotions take me over. I am not, I totally refuse, will not let it happen; allow jealousy in my life. Me and jealousy do not go well together.

So, how does a person overcome jealousy? Overcoming jealousy is like changing any personal behavior. It all begins with awareness. Which, awareness will allow a person to see that the proposed stories in their mind are not true. When a person gets this clarity under control they no longer react to scenarios that their mind imagines. Yes, jealousy plays on a person's imagination. Jealousy and anger are emotions that causes a person to believe what they imagine. By changing beliefs, a person will change what they imagine. It's kind of like placing positives in a situation that has doubts. Find the good in something bad. Does that make sense?
Trying to change anger and jealousy is like trying to control a car that is skidding on ice. A person's life will improve immensely if they steer clear of the hazard before they get there. The step-mother in my life imagines and assumes that I am a terrible mother and grandmother without gathering facts or understanding of my actions, schedule, or values.

I found this information on the Pathway to Happiness Web site:
The steps to permanently end jealous reactions are: 
1) Recovering personal power so that you can get control of your emotions and refrain from the reactive behavior. 
2) Shift your point of view so that you can step back from the story in your mind. This will give you a gap of time in which to refrain from a jealous or angry reaction and do something else. 
3) Identify the core beliefs that trigger the emotional reaction. 
4) Become aware that the beliefs in your mind are not true. This is different than “knowing” intellectually that the stories are not true. 
5) Develop control over your attention so you can consciously choose what story plays in your mind and what emotions you feel.  
That is some pretty good advise right there.

Throughout my life (more recently) I have gotten a handle on my imagination. I understand that my children and grand children have other family in their lives. Do I let that upset me? NO. Do I create unnecessary stories and issues about what the other family members are doing with my children and grand children? NO. Do I find blame and create scenarios because I don't want my children or grand children with the other family? NO. So, why is this step-mother so dead-set on making me look like a bad mother?
For the last four years I have been attending college. And anyone who has attended college full time knows how much time and dedication that takes. The step-mother assumes that I am a bad mother and grandmother because I don't go to my children and grand children's  school events. Maybe I should hand her my school schedule and have her help me out with ideas on how I can attend school activities?
Believe me, I am facing the feeling of regret when it comes to my children and grandchildren's school activities. What busy mother wouldn't?

And if the wicked step-mother reads this:
My school schedule (during the school months) consisted of four days a week at school....Tues. 9:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m., Thurs. 9:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m., Fri. 6:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m., Sat. 1:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m. And in between I did homework.....  
Does this clear up the imagination a little bit? It's best to gather facts before assuming false information,  and ridiculing someone for things you don't understand. 

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