Attractions

For some reason today I was pulled here to write.

I got up early this morning while it was still dark, made my wonderful coffee (my best friend), lit a candle in the middle of the table (my laptop is positioned at one end), sat down in front of a great big picture window, and as the sun came up my heart just filled with warmth.

My thoughts, and you know how crazy my thoughts can sometimes be, went to how blessed I am in this wonderful relationship that I have finally found. I am finally at peace, with passion, with commitment, with security, with faithfulness.....

What if things in my life had gone differently? I do believe that everything I went through lead me right straight to Johnie.
Wouldn't it be great if we could just stop life and grow?
What I mean by that is, as we get older we see and feel things more differently. We become a stronger person. We feel more passion, more freedom, more self-worth, more warmth, more gentleness, and the list goes on.....
I would have enjoyed my younger years if I could have stopped to grow. If I could have stopped to see, hear, and feel in my 20's what I see, hear, and feel in my 40's life could have been great. But I would have missed out on my children, the relationships that caused heartache (made me stronger), education, career moves, and spiritual moments. If my life would have stopped to get me where I am today I wouldn't have grown into the person I am. My past life created me to be the woman that Johnie has been longing for.

My growth is the attraction that Johnie sees, that pulls me to him every single day. I have improved with my growth, I have become a better partner, and although I am far from perfect, I know how to correct and focus. Keeping a relationship strong is hard work. But it can be enjoyable work. Just apply creativity and all is wonderful.

Here are 5 attractions from me that Johnie accepts with a full heart:
(And I promise playing pool naked will not be on this list. Strip 9-ball was one of our creative moments.)

1. I can truly be myself. I am completely different than any other woman Johnie has had in his life. I do not resort to the same old tactics in past relationships. I do not cater to his every whim. Although I do enjoy pampering him sometimes.

2. One thing I am still working hard at is knocking out the "yes-girl". When Johnie asks me a question like, "Where do you want to go for dinner?", he is looking for an answer. Along with most men, "I don't care", or "It's up to you." doesn't fly.
I give my honest opinion when he asks me what I think on certain subjects like, career moves, financial decisions, etc.... I am up-front and honest with him. I do not color my opinion by agreeing with his. Johnie is a self-confident person and he expects the same out of me.

3. I embrace my independence. WHOA!!! Doesn't independence in a woman scare men away? Bottom line: Independence in a woman is attractive to a man who values a woman for who she is, and not just for what she can provide for him. Johnie wants a relationship to be a true partnership. He wants and needs a true partner. I will be one. That means we can bounce ideas, dreams, and plans off of one another to merge into the life that we will make together.

4. My confidence will act as an aphrodisiac. Johnie has a certain confidence about him that does not come off as being cocky. So why wouldn't he want the same from me? Johnie doesn't want to be weighed down with my nagging of insecurities. I am currently unemployed, feeling worthless, and gaining weight. Johnie fell in love with the inner person that I carry. If I complain about my insecurities that will surly be a turn off. Johnie chose ME!

5. It is said that men choose women that make them love themselves more. Johnie has qualities that I truly adore. I don't lie! I congratulate him on his accomplishments, I tell him that my favorite time of the day is laying in his arms, I tell him how much I love his touch, his gentleness, and how much I love the way he loves me.

If you are the woman that is delivering these attractions to your man, you will have a long lasting, special, unconditional love relationship. It takes two! A relationship cannot be weak with insecurities and only be based around a woman. A woman has to have the strength and confidence to apply what a man is longing for too.

Nicknames (pet names): They are healthy......

I love the way Johnie calls me "Lucy, Lucies, hey Lucy". Although it is another woman's name, just the way it comes out of Johnie's mouth is an attraction for me. And I'm sure greeting him at the door every day with, "Hi Honey" (said very sweetly) along with a huge hug is just as much of an attraction for him.

Men are not as complicated as women make them out to be. They long for and love a lot of the same attractions women do. We love attention, compliments, security, commitment, honesty, faithfulness,......
So why wouldn't a man love the same things?

Schadenfreude

Schadenfreude

Have you ever heard of this German word?

According to Merrium Webster: scha-den-freu-de means a feeling of enjoyment that comes from seeing or hearing about the troubles of other people.

Basically, one feels enjoyment when others fail. Other people’s FAILURE is a stimulant to these types of people. It’s as though they get a high from it.

The word failure has been running through my mind lately. And you know me…..When something sticks in my head I have to confront it. So today I choose to let my fingers do the talking and research this ugly word called “failure”.

When I see others celebrate another’s failure my immediate reaction is heartbreak. How can someone be so cruel/evil? But as I research I am finding out that this act of cruelness is quite common. Schadenfreude in German means a mixture of joy and evil. It is generally regarded as morally evil. To enjoy other people’s misfortune is diabolical. The joy that is found is one of the worst traits in human nature since it is closely related to cruelty.

A major reason for a person being pleased with the misfortune of another person is that the person's misfortune may somehow benefit that person that is thriving on creating misery; it may, for example, emphasize their superiority. This is mostly found in working relationships where two people share a small space. For example; a common station, or position.  

But hold on. There is good news and bad news about this miserable human condition. The good news, YOU are on the right track if you are doing something high-risk and is your passion. The bad news, there will always be others that would love to see you fail instead of being helpful. If you run across people that are helpful, hold onto them tight and treat them well because they are few and far between in today’s high speed world, the dog-eat-dog society, the sink or swim motto….. and shall I go on? I do believe you know what I’m talking about.

Through my life journey I strongly emphasize “get to know yourself”, know your “station”, know where you are going and know where you want to be in life.

Here is a quote from Tennessee Williams that I love and want to share with you: “A high station in life is earned by the gallantry with which appalling experiences are survived with grace.” Survived with grace? I love Tennessee William’s direction. But what’s more pernicious than that idea is that our insecurity is often heaved upon us by other people. It is thrown at us by the people we surround ourselves with. They try to convince us that we are what we are and we’d better just live that way, because that is what we will always be. For real? Says who? Show me the chapter in the life (my life instructions) instructions on predetermined stations. If you are one that accepts the common external station advice you can expect sub-par outcomes all the time.

I don’t know if the urge to see others fail makes some people feel good, if it’s in their genes, or if it’s the “green-eye” of jealousy but I do know one thing, when the evil-traited one sees you doing something that they never took the time to work towards, they can’t hide the hate. It just comes out like a huge green monster. And their joy in your failure will not make them blink an eye. It will not cause them any kind of pain, pity, or heartache. They will always bask in their glory. Do you really want to give that evil-hearted person the satisfaction? I know I don’t.

Everywhere you look in today’s society there is always going to be someone pointing out what is wrong with you. Your looks don’t measure up, your career is not where it should be, relationships fall apart, money is an issue…..Nothing in your life is the way it is supposed to be, and people are eager to let you know how you have disappointed them.

When you hear this over and over you truly start to believe that you are flawed. You begin to wither inside thinking bad thoughts about yourself. “I am not worthy”. This self-dread can cast the darkest of shadows. Do you ever feel like you fail every day? As hard as you work, do you feel like you get nowhere? And you fight daily to keep your head above water? If you are struggling with these issues, you are truly in a danger zone. The little voice inside your head is repeating over and over, “you are not good enough.” Then you find yourself apologizing for not being good enough:

You’re sorry you can’t do well enough at work – you failed

You’re sorry that you became ill and caused a set-back at work – you failed

You’re sorry that chaos is causing others misery – you failed

Taking on the burdens of others will always make you feel unworthy. “Why can’t I fix it?”, “Why can’t I find a solution to ease your unhappiness?” These kinds of thoughts will wreak havoc on you (I am tired of giving so much of myself). When you internalize so much un-self-worth and self-doubt, your body will absorb it. Your muscles will tense and your insides will become sick. Have you ever noticed that you will usually become ill after a very stressful time? That is your body saying, “STOP! Take a break.” You need to take care of yourself if you want to be any good for someone else. 

So you had a job that didn’t work out, your relationship crashed, your grades were not up to par…..BIG DEAL!! Use all of these as learning experiences. Define the true you and don’t let anyone else’s actions detour your worthiness. If you want, or need things to change it is up to you. Only you, you alone, YOU can make things change. You have the ability to do it. DO IT! 

Never apologize for not being good enough, for struggling in life. You are a person with value who deserves happiness, fulfillment, and true direction. Let your inner spirit soar to great heights knowing that things will be fine. Let the ill-hearted (Schadenfreude) live with their own battles. I am a strong believer in KARMA. What you put out will always come back to you.

Keep life filled with happiness. Be that helpful person that is hard to find. Someone will notice you and hold on tight.

Hugs for always,

Angie