Just 20 Minutes

A couple weeks ago I wrote about how (a so called) step-parent has been intruding into my territory. I wrote about my feelings and facts, posted my penning, and went about life in my usual manor (happy). When I feel intruded on, lashed at, or threatened, I consider the sources, consider my own feelings, and consider how it is affecting the ones around me. I can usually talk myself into reasoning. I'm a "bounce backer" (usually) no matter what the situation. But a few days ago I ran into a problem where I didn't have time to think. I just simply reacted. I was setting a punishment for my 17 year old daughter, and the intruder stepped into my territory once again. And all it took was hearing her voice on the other end of the phone that was at my daughter's ear. Right at that moment I grew horns, a tail, holding a pitchfork, and my voice even changed. Yes, I sounded like the voice of whatever it was that possessed Emily Rose. This transformation shocked me, I was a stranger to myself, and it only took a matter of 20 minutes for my daughter to pack and leave with the intruder (the possessed voice that I had no control over told her to leave and I didn't want her here). I said that to my own daughter! The possession that took over me and my body made me say it. I usually don't point blame, but this is my story and I'm sticking to it.

Over the last year, and a new year will soon be beginning, I have made a lot of changes in my life. Some may say I have made some major transformations as far as my Path of life. And you know what? When we go through a transformation, it can seem like we are going crazy to outsiders, family, and friends. Because the people that are closest to us aren't on the same Path as we are. I am probably being seen as crazy or labeled as "insane". I have been happy in my life for no reason for almost a year. I have created a comfort that I thought was affecting everyone around me the same (positively). While I was leaving the Phoenix airport last week I stopped into a Starbucks nook to juice up on caffeine for the flight home. The man working behind the counter said, "You look happy." I simply informed him that I was on my way home to Ohio. Before I left the Starbucks nook the man shouted, "Keep on being happy!" Have you ever noticed that when a person is sad and depressed they are comforted by many people who can relate, but when a person is happy for no apparent reason - those same people want to label that person as crazy. You absolutely cannot be happy for no apparent reason. You have definitely got to be loony.

It's not crazy to be happy, and one person noticed my happiness. I have finally gotten to a state of gratitude in my life, I am expressing my gifts, I am in the flow, and I'm happy for no reason. And I am not crazy! What's crazy is what is flashed before our eyes every single day on that box we call a TV. Death, destruction, fear, lack, arguing, blaming, etc.... and no my friends, that's not just crazy, that's insane. Therefore, it may just explain why I am a happy person. I don't watch that box we call a TV. I am more of an internet surfer, searcher, rebel. I look for things to inspire me, lift me up, and things that make me realize that I am truly living my life. So I am kind of co-creating my life even though the world around me is falling apart.

With co-creating my life I know how I want it to go, what to expect, and how to deal with the unexpected. But I have found out that I haven't grown enough within myself to fully battle the unexpected yet. I played through my mind how the situation with my daughter would go. I had everything planned out. I would set her punishment, she would accept it and serve it. But when that intruder stepped in on the other end of the phone, everything went to hell. I need to coach myself, wake up each day to see the world with new eyes, and reset my limits. I never want to lose control of myself like that again. I don't want to feel like a possessed person that has no control of their thoughts, mind, and body. Especially when it affects the ones I love. Twenty minutes and my daughter was gone.

Hugs for Always,

Angie

Fake Love

There are some things that I let piss me off bother me that I really shouldn’t pay any attention to, but sometimes those things cannot be avoided. And feelings and emotions are some of the hardest things to control.

I don’t know if any of you have to deal with step-parents (and in my case, she is not really a step parent, she is a live-in acquaintance to my ex husband). But for some reason she wants to claim my children as her own. Calling my daughters HER daughters, and calling my son HER son. She is even going as far as calling my grand kids HER grandkids. This should not bother me because I have raised my children with a tremendous amount of love. They know the difference between true love and fake love.

And the funny thing about this situation, I have never spoken ill of this person, my children do…..

I am on vacation this week in Arizona, but I still remain active with my cyber communications with my children. Yesterday I opened my Facebook page to see this:

Lisa Yackee

Had a great night last night with my 2 beautiful daughters and my precious granddaughter on our girls night out. Hope we can do that more often. I hope my girls know that I love them so much and I am so blessed with them, I could not have had any better girls than what I do. I love you Cassandra Lynne Beck, Randi Marie Hatcher and Miss Lydia Ann!!!!

Does she realize that those blessed and precious girls have been raised by me? This is what I call pure ignorance, but hey, if it makes her feel better.....I can deal with it.

She is my ex husband’s live-in acquaintance, and the names she has listed are MY daughters and granddaughter….For Real???

And just this morning I opened my email to find this (to make myself feel better);

"When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free."

- Catherine Ponder

I really don’t want to be bound to this person in any way, shape, or form. So I forgive her for her ignorance.

But if you know me, I had to research the topic of fake love. To better get you on base with this person she refused to talk to my daughter for about a month because my daughter missed her birthday. No wishes were sent from a 17 year old girl, teenager, wrapped up with boys, friends, and good times. Does that really require a grudge from an adult? But then she tries to right her wrongs by creating a MOTHER DAUGHTER DAY!! GIRL’S DAY OUT!!

Some people will say that there is no such thing as fake love, but I have to disagree. I see it daily in the emotional roller coaster that this woman has my children on. Do I resent her for that? Of course I do. Emotions are not something to play with, especially when it comes to young people. False love is more evil than open hatred. If families can’t stick together, whether step, acquaintance, etc… they end up not with a family, but with a melting mess. Yes, there are families that show outright contempt for each other, but what about the stable ones (my home)? Stability is dependent on a number of things like money, love, time, and health. Which money has always been a major issue when it comes to my children and their dad’s way of thinking (“That is what child support is for”). So, over the years my children have found that their father’s home is not dependable. My fault? No!

In a home where there is love for all, but one of the gears are not truthfully reciprocating the love received, then all the gears are being robbed. A lot of time this goes unnoticed, and the other family members will try and fill the gaps (which I have done when it comes divorce). I have spent years working extra hard to fill in the gap (unstable father). But ya know, my children are old enough to tell the difference between fake and what is true.

I ran across a list of 5 things a step-parent should never do. It’s amazing how this list of 5 things have been broken tremendously by her (so-called step-parent).

Don’t Bad-Mouth the Biological Parents (broken)

A step-parent will have their own opinions about the biological parent, but whatever the feelings or opinions are they should not be discussed with the child. Voicing disdain will make the child feel as though they have to choose between the step-parent and the biological parent. She talks bad about me all the time to my children. How do I know? They tell me.

Don’t Be a Disciplinarian (broken)

It is the biological parent’s job to be the parents, not the step-parents job. This has been broken by being demanding on who my daughter can be friends with, and my son’s choice on who he wants to be engaged to. This woman doesn’t like my son’s fiancée (Sydney), so the MOTHER DAUGHTER DAY was created by purposefully leaving out Sydney. Very good parenting skills there…..

Don’t Be a Replacement Parent (broken)

A step-parent should never try and take the place of the biological parent, which she is trying to do (MOTHER DAUGHTER DAY? FOR REAL?). This could lead to big time resentment from the children (which she has created herself). She should be focusing more on being a mentor or caring ear instead of demanding to be the mother of my children.

Don’t Expect Things to be Perfect (broken)

The so called love that she was expecting when she started a relationship with my children’s father was demanding, insisted, and forced. She did not give the connection of love time to develop between her and my children.

Don’t Play Favorites (broken)

She does not have her own children so she feels she can pick and choose mine. For instance, the dislike of my son’s fiancée, which is played in front of my children every time there is a family get together on their dad’s side. She refuses to speak to Sydney and gives her the cold shoulder.

I really don’t have anything to fear from this so-called step-parent, because I understand my children, I provide for my children, and they know where stability lies. But when I see public posts on Facebook from her to my children I can’t help but puke inside my mouth a little feel a ping of resentment toward this woman. She does not have the right to create fake love when it comes to my kids, their emotions, their hearts, and stability. And she seems to put the “attack” into play when I’m nowhere near my children (thousands of miles away in Arizona). I am not going to let her intimidation affect me because I know the true feelings of my children and myself.

Fear

I am so glad that I created this blog spot. I come here to vent, pen what's on my mind, and hopefully give you some encouragement, up-lift, and light in your life.
Here lately I have had a heavy mind. As I was reading my email messages this morning I happened to stumble upon this:

"Our fears are simply undiscovered parts of ourselves. The two emotions, Love & Fear are the opposites of each other. Love is the absence of Fear, and Fear is the non-recognition of Love. When we embrace what we are afraid of, shine light on the darkness of our Fear, we will see that only Love was there the whole time, but was unrecognized. This is the gift our Fears can give us if we know how to see them for what they truly are, a call to bring Love to the unknown."

- Jackson Kiddard

In school a couple semesters ago, I did some research on stress. Did you know that there is no such thing as stress? It's true! Stress comes from what our minds create for us. We upset ourselves with our own pattern of thinking. And my pattern of thinking has not been good. But I refuse to let myself talk myself into being upset (say that 5 times fast...).

Fear - A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc..., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

Did you pick out the key words in that definition? EMOTION, AROUSED, IMAGINED, CONDITION

But before I continue, let me tell you what my recent fear is. I have been attending school since January of 2009. Some of that time has been spent attending school while working, and some attending school while not working. My job was shipped overseas in November of 2009. My job ending date was October 29, 2009. Yes, I remember that day like it was yesterday. After spending 22 years with the same company, I felt like I was losing a limb. Since my job was sent overseas I was awarded by the Trade Adjustment Act. A program that the government provides to employees that are basically left with nothing, and had no choice in the matter. So I have received two years of schooling and benefits at the cost of our wonderful government. I have one more semester left and I will be graduating with my bachelor degree in supervision and leadership. Am I ready? NO I'M NOT! I say those words lightly (one more semester).....that is my present fear.

Therefore, I need to keep in mind that there is healthy fear and unhealthy fear. Unhealthy fear is being afraid of something that cannot actually harm you - spiders, or something that we cannot avoid like, the most common, getting old. Those fears serve only to make us unhappy and paralyze our will to keep moving forward.
Healthy fear is more in the medical aspect of things, like when a doctor tells you if you don't change your diet you will have a heart attack. You change your diet out of fear of that heart attack happening. That danger is real and there are constructive steps that can be taken to avoid it.

Hence, it's good to know that my fear is healthy. All I have to do is change my (diet) routine. I will graduate (May 2012), step outside of my safety (home), and enter the working world once again. And also put into action what I have learned in school. There is always a solution to the fear feeling. Although, I will always be deathly afraid of spiders, and the solution to that, RUN!
We need to balance our fears. A balanced fear of our delusions and self-made suffering to which they give rise is healthy, because the balance will serve to motivate constructive action to avoid the imaginary stress dilemma. Stomping out fear is all in training the mind, taking action to change the fear, and finding your inner refuge, your inner strength, and even finding a spiritual healing. Don't let fear hold you back. And I will be coaching myself those exact same words as the month of May quickly approaches. YIKES!

Another quote that was brought to my attention today is,

"Hello darkness, my old friend, I've come to talk with you again..." - Simon & Garfunkel, "The Sound of Silence"

And since that little ditty is now implanted in my brain.....I will be singing it all day. Or maybe I should download it so I can listen to it over and over and over....This can be a useful tool in training my mind to not fear my out of reach concern.

Hugs for Always,

Angie

Black Friday

Are you one of those people that go crazy on Black Friday?

Do you put yourself through a whole day of bliss torture? Shopping carts run into the backs of your ankles, baby strollers being used as ram-rods to get through the crowds, hours and hours of long check-out lines, and the possibility of getting hurt with merchandise (or maybe another shopper)?

My daughter asked me to go with her a couple years ago. I don't do well with crowds and my very first reaction was to say "no". But my daughter is a persistent one. "Please mom, all you have to do is stand by the cart and I will throw stuff in." Throw stuff in?? Are you serious? The very first store that we went to, I did just that. I stood by the cart while she threw stuff in. And in my amazed, disbelief, awe, I wanted it to be a mental rejection (this is not happening type of thing), I witnessed merchandise being thrown over innocent bystanders' heads. And do you know what that merchandise was? Great big boxes of the battery powered cars (jeeps) for kids. Oh Lord, I wanted to exit that store, and exit it NOW (I am having a panic attack). The next store that we went to (3 hours later) I found the nearest bench and sat there till my daughter was done shopping (I really hope this bench is bolted down, because when I get the urge to sprint out of the store, I might just take it with me).

I ran across an article from Salt Lake City's Target and Best Buy stores. If you love to shop Black Friday, they make it possible for you to gobble down your turkey dinner and then head out for shopping. The doors will open and the crowds will charge. CHARGE!

Did you know that these two stores start planning their Black Friday sales in July? That is almost four months of planning. And it's not just planning the items that they want to mark for sale, those four months are used for training too. The stores provide in-store seminars and classes to teach the employees the ins and outs of handling large crowds. And the number one concern on Black Friday is customer safety. A public shopping facility being trained on customer safety.....does that tell you something? Every employee is assigned a position. This is kind of sounding like a set up for the president to arrive (they have snipers at every entrance and exit. Security in every department. And a walkie-talkie system just in case there is trouble, like a stampede, fist fights, or hair pulling....). Best buy will have an extra 25 employees on hand; Target will have nearly 175 staffers throughout the day.

One fun fact for you: Americans are expected (statistics, gotta love'm) to spend about $450 billion in sales over the holiday season this year.

Me, I am going to stay home on Black Friday with my doors and windows bolted.....The one day of the year I stay home. Okay, two days a year, I don't go anywhere on New Year's Eve either. I will stay home and say a prayer for the people that put themselves through torture.

I Am Still Stuck On Leadership Skills

I was doing some blog surfing and Back Porch Spice lead me to Quay Po Cooks. You will have to check her out because she is an awesome writer, and she made me laugh on my very first visit with this post. First impressions mean a lot. But the amazing thing about this post, it brought back a memory for me and I thought I'd share it with you.

How do you pass the time with the leaders (supervisors, mentors, etc....) in your life? Are you serious with them all the time, or do you mix things up and add a little humor? Make each other laugh....

While I was visiting Quay Po Cooks I was scrolling down her blog posts and came across this title, "When a Man Grows Older, His Balls Get Smaller". Okay, this is suppose to be a cooking blog....The title made me do one of these; forced me to slam back in my chair and caused my eyes to pop wide open. Can you just see that happening? I know you have done the exact same thing when you see something unexpected.

I am going to tell you the story about my own supervisor (leader) experience, and I really hope I don't offend anyone. Yes, I have a dirty minded streak in me.....don't we all? Working 22 years in a factory tends to keep the mind sharp on the funny thoughts, dirty thoughts, and how to strike out at people without being too offensive.

I spent 22 years working in a factory, and if you've never worked in a factory, this is usually what you will find; everyone talks like a truck driver (no offence truck drivers, just a metaphor), a person is judged by the way they look, there are clicks just like in high school, and the gossip is knee deep.

But on the up-side, some of your co-workers are like your second family. And if you think about it, working in a factory has longer hours than your home hours. So that leads to great relationships and poking fun while you work.

My supervisor at the time was male and we were kind of close in age (he was a little older). I was working the night shift, and my supervisor was faced with a deadline on a particular part that needed to be shipped first thing in the morning. He assigned me to do the job. I always worked very well under pressure, but that night my supervisor thought he needed to check the production numbers every thirty minutes. One thing that I never liked was being checked on (treated like a child). Half way through the shift, and being checked on every half hour, I decided to put an end to it, or try to anyway. He came up behind me one last time and asked how the numbers were looking. I turned around (with a smile on my face, of course) and said, "If you're going to ride my a$$, you better be pulling my hair."

IT WORKED!! And the look on his (blushing red) face was priceless. He had the same look as I had when I ran across the post article about men's balls. Buggy eyes, a step back, and SILENCE.....Yup, left him speechless. I didn't see him the rest of the shift. And yes, the production numbers were met for the morning shipment.

After the little pep-talk, words of encouragement, and dumbfounding the supervisor that night, he figured out that I didn't have to be checked on constantly.

I am working my way toward filling a supervisor position myself and I have been searching for ideas and suggestions that will make me one of the BEST. Funny stories and personal experiences are helping me along the way....

"The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You DEVELOP the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it." ~Elaine Agather

I am going to print this list and keep it near by for when I fill my leadership job role:

1. Have fun (cheap) toys handy to pass out to employees during the working hours. Foam dart fights after a long tedious day of work will relieve stress.

2. Have good ice breakers during a bad day (funny photos on the wall) just to get employees to laugh.

3. Place humor in documents and memos (Chaos, panic, and disorder - my work here is done!)

4. Will I want people to read manuals? Write on a random page (10) that the first 10 employees to mention the page receive a gift (a T-shirt, and the T-shirt would say, "ask me about page 10").

5. Issue dollar fines for excessive whining, and use the proceeds to have a team party.

6. Include competitive FUNdraising. Each department competes to see which team can raise the most money for a charity, with the winning team receiving a prize.

7. Take the blame when an employee fails or messes up.

8. Celebrate screw ups - allow employees a means to feel it's okay to say we screwed up.

Leaders and employees that play together stay together. When fun is encouraged employees or team members are inspired.

Hugs for Always,

Angie

"FAITH"

Over the last few days the word "FAITH" has been appearing everywhere for me. In my emails, on blogs, under my pillow, in the shower, and in my thoughts. So, today I intend to take some time and find out for myself what faith really means. Is it a dream? A vision? A hope? A demand? Is it expected?

According to Merriam-Webster, "FAITH" has many meanings. When we hear the word "faith" we automatically think religion, but it is much more than that. "FAITH" is huge and it only has five letters.

Definition of FAITH:

1. a: allegiance to duty or a person - LOYALTY

b: (1) fidelity to one's promises (2) sincerity of intentions

2. a: (1) belief and trust in and loyalty to God (2) belief in the traditional doctrines of a religion

b: (1) firm belief in something for which there is no proof (2) complete trust

3. something that is believed especially with strong conviction; especially: a system of religious beliefs

We never really know what's going to happen in our lives, and every single human being on this big faced earth has a need for certainty. Our need for certainty is, having our car start every day, placing food on the table every day, having a place to sleep at night, and for some, the certainty of money in the bank. Certainty is the sibling to "FAITH". But too much certainty can sometimes stop us from growing or moving forward. That is why we lean on faith more heavily, and leave certainty as a sibling.

The word faith comes from Christian teachings, but it is expandable. Very expandable!

Hebrews 11:1 says, "Faith is being sure of what we hope for." SURE" (impossible to doubt or dispute; certain) and "HOPE" (to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment) in the same sentence......HUM! But if you think about it, faith IS being sure. Children have faith in their parents, and they are sure their parents will provide. Adults have faith in the companies they work for, and they are sure their company will provide. And I'm not about to bring politics into this post, because (my opinion) faith in our government is dying quickly.....

Now if you bring hope into the mix; children hope for a great childhood, and adults hope for a fulfilling life, which creates "FAITH".

To best understand faith, you can look at it this way: It is made up three words, assurance, substance, and reality.

Assurance - Suppose I owe you $40.00 (we're in a recession, so that's enough), and you ask me, "Where's my $40.00 dollars?" I would say, "I don't have the cash on me, but I do have my checkbook, so I'll just write you a check." You accept the check, and the check is your assurance that you will get the money (as long as it's in my account). The check is as good as cash in your hand. Your confidence is, you will get the money because you have the check. Assurance in "FAITH".

Substance - Something beneath you to hold you up. "Sub" means under. "Stance" means something to stand on. Something that is firm enough to hold you up.

I am to short to reach the top cupboards in my kitchen. I keep a stool in the kitchen to lift me up so I can reach the top shelf. The stool is the substance that is going to guarantee my reach. Faith is what holds you up and supports you through life. Faith is the sub-stance of your life.

Reality - The authenticity of something. Faith makes things real to you even when you can't see it. If someone in your family passes away, and you were told during the reading of the will that that person left you a large money certificate, a money certificate that you didn't know about. A lawyer would hand you the certificate and that guarantees the money is yours. That is something you have not seen before turned into reality. That is also "FAITH".

Our faith, our assurance, our foundation, and the reality of our LIFE is based on what we hope for. It is all based on our "FAITH".

We must believe in something, have faith in something, and bring in a little certainty. That is the perfect recipe for synchronicity.....our God, ourselves, an idea, a cause..., a forward fulfilling life is all based on "FAITH".

I am so glad I took the time to research this information, because now I know how to react when the word faith appears a million times throughout the day. It is telling me that I need to work on my sub------stance. Find a firm foundation and make it grow.

Hugs for Always,

Angie

Organization

Have you been wondering where I've been? Well......I'm.....

How do you keep track of the thoughts in your head?

I have so many thoughts going through my head all at the same time, and sometimes everything wants to jam up like a huge traffic jam on the highway, and then I have to sit and wait for things to clear for days....not minutes or hours like a normal traffic jam, but days.

I don't know what you see in your thoughts, but I do a lot of "what if's", "if only", "I need to", "why?", "can I work this in?", "what will the outcome be?", and "how can I help?"

See, I told you it was a mess.....

Well, I have decided that enough is enough! I'm tired of fighting with myself and it's time that I clear my thoughts and put things into action. I should have saved this for a new year resolution, but I can't wait any longer. I have to do something NOW!

I have decided that starting Monday morning (and this can mean 12:00 a.m. Sunday night) I am going to create a schedule for myself and stick to it faithfully. I already have my calendar all marked out (not an electronic calendar, because that would tempt me to surf the internet). I used a paper calendar with a pen.....call me "old school", I don't care. I have to find something that works for me.

I find myself trying to pack more into a 24-hour day than is humanly possible, applying short cuts. And what do I do when I get to the end of the day? I look back on my day to see what I have accomplished and the view is never really that good....Actually I never really accomplish anything. I almost never complete things. I have good intentions every morning when I get out of bed, but my accomplishments at the end of the day are either unfinished, or never got started. Do you ever feel like that? I think that has a lot to do with the traffic jams in my head and being unorganized.

I have decided that I am going to get organized (place accurate traffic lights in my brain where they belong) on my schoolwork and appearance. Yes, appearance. I have never really had a major weight problem, but when 50 (okay, to be exact, it's 46) extra pounds is placed on someone and it's not suppose to be there....that extra weight tends to make that person feel miserable. And I am miserable!! After I lost my job of 22 years, the pounds crept up on me before I could stop them. I don't want to break into a sweat anymore when I get dressed in the morning, or feel out of breath just from putting on my pants. GEEEESH!! And I have a whole dresser full of size 10 jeans that are just sitting there begging to be worn....

Time management and weight loss have a lot in common (and both of these probably come sliding in behind the Get Rich Quick industry). People want instant results, but really don't want to put forth the effort to make things happen or change. Everyone knows to lose weight you eat less and move (sweat) more. To manage your time you take on less and concentrate harder on what you do tackle. But the simple things (less) are the hardest to tackle. That is why my accomplishments at the end of the day are unfulfilled. The simple things get pushed aside and I focus more on the large things. The things that are impossible to finish in one day. It is now time to stop that! I need an even-steven and I need it now.

Have you ever given thought to owning a pedometer? If you think about it, a woman is constantly walking, whether it be doing daily chores, shopping, or chasing children. Can you imagine what it would be like if we didn't combine our daily routine things? STOP MULTITASKING!! For example, instead of trying to see how many grocery bags you can pile on one arm, one finger, or one neck, maybe consider taking one bag at a time. Back and forth to the trunk 20 times instead of 1. That pedometer would be smoke'n by the time you got all the groceries in. The same thing with laundry. Instead of packing your arms full and balancing everything with your chin, how about placing one piece of laundry in the washer at a time. Pile them on the floor, bend, pick-up, twist; place in one shirt, bend pick-up, twist; place in one pair of pants, etc....There are so many ways we can keep ourselves active with everyday routines. Park farther away from the store or workplace.....walk farther. Let your 2 year old run loose in the house. Guaranteed to create exercise for mom.

So, now it's time for me to take my own advice and stop sitting in this computer chair typing all day long. I am going to get in some extra steps, and extra physical activity. If I'm going to live for a long time, I sure do want to be able to enjoy life.

Hugs for Always,

Angie